CLEAN UNMENTIONABLES

In 2013, I began a major renovation of the house I’ve lived in since 1996. I began to transform one bedroom into a huge en-suite spa-style bathroom. The old 1-car garage into another huge spa-style en-suite bathroom, and with vaulted ceilings. And a total redo of the kitchen.

While all this was underway, in early 2014 I purchased the Cross House 20 miles away. All work ceased on my house.

So, for almost 7 years, uninstalled trim, doors, hardware, cabinets, and so on have stayed where they were left in early 2014, gathering dust. NOTHING has happened.

But, in order to move into the Cross House in 2021, I need to get my current house done so I can sell it after moving out.

So, I re-started work on the bedroom-to-bathroom! And now (drum roll, please) all the plumbing is done! I have a working sink! Working toilet! Working tub/shower! And — scare bleu! — a working bidet!

I’ve never had a bidet before, nor ever used one. But…the idea seemed so appealing. I mean, who doesn’t like, umm, clean parts?

Well, today, at 63-years-old, for the first time, I used a bidet.

The verdict?

One should be in every home. It’s really wonderful. The French were right!

And, with another TP scare on the way, I might rent mine out. $10 bucks a wash. I should make a fortune.

 

Oh là là c’est trop jolie!

 

 

26 Comments

  1. Cory on October 25, 2020 at 7:22 pm

    Shouldn’t you have finished the drywall before installing the fixtures? Seems like putting the cart before the horse.

    • Ross on October 25, 2020 at 7:30 pm

      Cory, the timeline of work-being-done is predicated on Justine’s availability.

      He was available to do the plumbing. So I grabbed him.

      He does not do taping and mudding. Which I can do.

      So, the walls will get done later. And the fixtures are not really an issue.

      • Cory on October 27, 2020 at 6:33 am

        I can understand that. Thanks for the reply.

  2. Clinton on October 25, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    We need pictures of your original abode.

    • Ross on October 26, 2020 at 12:17 am

      Clinton, that’s in my Time Travel queue!

  3. Sherry Hyman on October 25, 2020 at 11:52 pm

    Hi Ross. Never used a bidet, either. Wondering…..is that COLD water hitting that sensitive……orifice???? Afraid it’d be different ‘squee’ for me…..

    • Ross on October 25, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Golly, no! There’s hot/cold tap just like on a shower, Sherry! One adjusts to comfort level before using.

      • Sherry Hyman on October 26, 2020 at 12:11 am

        HOLY CRAP!!!! (pardon the pun)
        Now I want one!!! Had no idea!!!
        All this time I thought……sheesh–I will look at bidets differently now.

        • Ross on October 26, 2020 at 12:20 am

          Sherry, a fountain of water shoots up from the bottom to…cleanse things. Front and back.

  4. Carlos on October 26, 2020 at 4:45 am

    Hello, I am Spanish, and in Spain we usually have bided in every bathroom. The truth is that I have used it a few times, only when things have become complicated, you understand me … the truth is that when I renew the bathroom I will remove it and replace it with a dresser. The only ones who will miss it will be my cats, they love to drink from the tap.

  5. Miriam R Righter on October 26, 2020 at 6:54 am

    I read a fascinating article about why bidets never became popular here in the US. In part it was because the original Americans exposed to the idea were the soldiers that saw them in brothels, so they became associated with “sin.” And then of course, there is America’s distaste of all things relating to the body, since that is also viewed as sinful. I have always loved the idea, myself.

  6. Pam on October 26, 2020 at 6:58 am

    I am so jealous. I have always wanted a bidet because they were in every bathroom in Brazil where I grew up. At the very least, if you don’t use it as intended (and why wouldn’t you?), they are a great place to wash out your underwear.

  7. Miss-Apple37 on October 26, 2020 at 7:22 am

    I’m French and i’ve never used a bidet and don’t even know how to! Do you fill it in with water and then use your hand to splash up your parts?? In the last house we rented there was one, but the only one to use it was our cat Ginger, she loved sleeping in it 🙂

    • Pam on October 27, 2020 at 6:31 am

      There is usually a little fountain at the bottom that shoots water upwards.

  8. Bethany on October 26, 2020 at 7:57 am

    We have a bidet that’s never been used, but I’m glad my husband hasn’t gotten around to removing it yet since, as Ross said, we may be facing another tp shortage this winter. A relative has a toilet seat with a built-in bidet function which is kind of cool. I don’t think you have the warm water option with that, though I’m not sure.

  9. Mike on October 26, 2020 at 11:49 am

    I worked in a kitchen/bath retail store in rural Illinois from 1984 until 1991, and we stocked bidets…and in the 7.5 years I was there, I think we may have sold one or two. The one on display did draw a few curious questions now and then, and rather than have the embarrassing discussion, there were handouts at the ready that we would give to the person who inquired. I remember one old guy who wanted to buy one to “warsh off” his feet in, but his wife wouldn’t hear of it, LOL…

    • Ragnar on October 27, 2020 at 6:26 am

      As a kid in Central Europe I was taught that bidets are for lady bits and, being a guy, never really gave them a second thought afterwards.

      • Ross on October 27, 2020 at 9:01 pm

        You were misinformed, Ragnar!

  10. Chris B on October 26, 2020 at 11:59 am

    We 100% agree. Installing a bidet seat on our toilet has been life-changing and I don’t know how we ever lived without one. Whenever I am forced to use a toilet at my office or a stranger’s place I feel like a dirty savage having to only use paper to “clean” myself.

    • Ross on October 27, 2020 at 9:00 pm

      “Dirty savage” sums it it!

      You made me laugh, Chris!

  11. Colin Boss on October 27, 2020 at 8:50 am

    Mon dieu alors! (couldn’t resist continuing en Francais ne c’est pas!). It seems like progress at your own house is now picking up the pace, so well done. Bon chance monsieur!

    Growing up, one family had a bidet which all us kids thought was the height of sophistication. They also never took off in the UK.

    Colin

    • Ross on October 27, 2020 at 8:59 pm

      Colin!

      In NYC, during the 1980s, bidets were installed in a lot of new condo buildings.

      But, I almost never see them now in new construction.

  12. Grandmere Louise on October 27, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    Where will the bidet go in the Cross house?
    Now that you know you need one.
    For the next TP shortage.

    • Ross on October 27, 2020 at 8:57 pm

      I will be installing one in my bathroom, SE corner of the second floor, Louise.

  13. Leigh on October 30, 2020 at 1:49 pm

    Bidets: always preferred washing up (versus wiping up). Très sophistiqué, mon ami!

  14. Melody on November 3, 2020 at 8:44 pm

    I have never used an actual bidet, but I have a Toto Washlet installed on my toilet. It was originally purchased for my father when we renovated the bathroom, the main sales point being they are great for folks with mobility/dexterity problems.
    Full disclosure: I do not use it all the time, but it is great to have available. The TP shortage cemented the usefulness of such an object. It is a nice feature to have at any time, but during those episodes of “I ate too much spicy food” or “This stomach/GI bug is gonna kill me”, it is a saving grace. A gentle wash is much more appreciated when even the softest TP feels like sandpaper.

    The model I have is not the fanciest, but it’s got features. Heated water, heated seat, warm air dryer, and a ventilation fan that uses an air filter that is quite effective.

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