Decades of Ross
The other day, while washing the dishes, a thought occurred to me: A pattern in my life is that every decade, my life proves unrecognizable from the previous decade. Really, it is uncanny.
1968
I was eleven. Very scared. Living, obviously, with mom & dad and 3 siblings in our home in Westland, Michigan.
1978
I was twenty-one. Still very scared. And after a failed try at living on my own, I was, again, living with mom & dad in St. Petersburg, Florida. I was also out & proud. Mom was less than happy about that.
I was also slender, tanned, and sported a thick mane of wavy, aeronomically-correct auburn hair. I also had what is now called a porn stash.
From 1976 to 1978, I worked as a waiter at Tiki Gardens, Indian Rocks Beach. All this is demolished now.
At the end of 1978, I moved to New York City, with $200 in my wallet. How hard could things get, I thought?
Ross, just a few weeks after arriving in New York, age 21. I’m really workin’ the porn stache!
Ross a year later with his “just-got-off-the-boat” look.
1988
I was thirty-one. And not so scared. And I well knew that in New York City, things could get very very very hard, indeed. How I survived my first year in the city is something I will never understand. But, through dint of relentless work and overpowering ambition, I founded my own architecture and design firm in 1985. Some developer named Donald Trump was a client.
I gained a lot of weight in the 1980s, but lost all of it by 1988. Also lost was my tan and mane of wavy auburn hair.
I was making over $200K a year. Something unimaginable a few years previously.
Ross! In color! The hair is quickly thinning on top. I didn’t realize that I had a ginger beard! This must be New Year’s Eve. 1988?
1998
I was forty-one, and, improbably, living in rural Kansas after having lost everything between the years 1991 and 1996, and becoming, briefly, homeless. This all happened because I got involved in a real estate deal in 1991. There were four equal partners. But when the project was about 85% done, two partners decided to fuck over the other two. I was, unhappily, 1/2 of the fucked-over two. The horror began in late 1992 and, as a direct consequence, by early 1996 I was homeless. During those years it felt like the skin on my body was being incrementally flayed off. Bit by excruciating bit until I was stripped to bare exposed nerves.
In 1996, Kansas offered refuge.
By 1998 I managed to find a home. I had a bald head and an oversized graying goatee.
I struggled to make $400 a month.
Ross at 47. The ginger beard is long gone, as is the Armani tuxedo. But I did now have straw growing on my head after moving to Kansas.
2008
I was fifty-one. And fearless.
To my great astonishment, by the late aughts I making over $200K a year selling restored vintage lights on the internet. I never ever ever expected to match my NYC income. The business began, almost by accident, in 2006. I had no idea it would soon take over and utterly transform my life.
By 2009, I was working harder than ever. It was lights lights lights 24/7, morning till 1AM. Lights were stored everywhere. Hanging above my bed. Covering the dining table. Under the dining table. Atop the dining chairs. Pushed against the edges of the living room.
In 2008 I was 180 pounds. Curiously, I got more attention with a belly than without one. A friend explained: “Ross, when you’re thin, you’re just an old guy. But with a belly? You’re a hot daddy!”
2008. Hot Daddy Ross?
2017. Revealing Ross. My first selfie. I’m 60 here. I look pretty good for 60, I think, but note how my upper eyelids are sagging. You do not see that in the 2008 picture. I’m gonna guess that NOT being tanned since 1978 (and never smoking) has made a big difference.
2018
I was sixty-one and unable to process such a fact.
Four years previously, I purchased a Titanic-sized 1894 house in Emporia that needed an overpowering amount of work.
Unlike all my previous decades, my life had not wholly changed in the intervening decade. I was still restoring lights, still in Kansas, but my focus had shifted from lights lights lights to old house old house old house. My income, accordingly, diminished.
I also started a blog in 2014, a thing that in 2008 I did not know even existed.
In 2016 I dropped down to 165 pounds. Sans belly, I was, thus, no longer a Hot Daddy. And no man paid any attention to me. I was now just an old thin guy.
By 2022 though I ballooned up to a scary 215. I am now 205. Am I currently a hot grand-daddy? I think not. I assume people glance at me and think: Fat Old Fart.
It is now the end of 2024. What will my life be at 2028? Based on my history, it may be quite different. The thought thrills and scares me.
What will my country be like by 2028? The question terrifies me.
It is now a decade since I purchased a Titanic-sized 1894 house in Emporia. I was 57 then; 67 now. But, boy oh boy, how things have changed during these years. I am not the man I was. Vital Ross is no longer, and what used to be effortless is now a struggle. I had a terrifying health scare in 2022, and this, I now know, doomed Vital Ross.
Today, I would never undertake something like a Titanic-sized 1894 house. It has been a painful realization that Vital Ross has been permanently replaced by Slow-Motion Ross. This is not something I ever anticipated. My great energy was always, you know, just there. It was like breathing, a given. I had known, of course, that I would have less strength as I got older. It just never occurred to me that my energy would also largely vanish.
Ross 2020. I’m 63 here. Note the eyelids.
Ross, 2024. 67-years-old. I have let my goatee go wild, and it is now growing up my cheeks. I am uncertain if this is a good look even though I love beards that grow up on cheeks.. During the previous decade, I had two cataract surgeries and my eyesight changed. I now wear glasses all the time. This has the benefit of obscuring the droopy eyelids.
Robert Redford, and with his beard growing up his cheeks. I find this impossibly sexy. And I can’t think of a better way to end this long post than with a sexy Mr. Redford.
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a sexy Robert Redford is good ending, beginning, and in the middle. At 48, I bought an old house and restored it top to bottom in ten years. At 58, I had no idea that at 76 (my age now), I would have so much less energy and strength. When did getting down on the floor (to, for example, retrieve a cat toy) get to be so very damn difficult? (and let’s not talk about getting up! But life goes on, and it’s always an adventure. I enjoy sharing a bit of yours. Happy holidays.
I have problems too. i have to consider first if it is really worth it to get down or if I can manage whatever without having to do so.
Karen, I smile in recognition. Getting up from the floor used to be something I gave no thought to. Today, it’s an ordeal! Now, when I paint, for example, base molding, I make sure to move a ladder to my side to help haul me up!
Hope you have several more good decades, even if things are slower than they were. Good wishes for the new year!
Are you now 2005 or 205?
I think you were in great shape at age 60. Better than I was at 60.
I also think you have a nicely shaped head that looks great bald.
I do prefer the goatee to the full beard but i do understand one requires more maintenance than the other.
If your droopy eyelids start to interfere with your vision, Medicare might cover surgery to do a “lid tuck” or whatever they call it. I’d hold off on that as long as possible.
I have embraced your baby steps™ method. I have to. It is the only way I can keep moving forward. Otherwise whatever task is required is just too big and overwhelming. I had a talk with Santa a few weeks ago. He said I have to eat life like a pizza, one bite at a time. And I thought of you.
You have made wonderful progress, not just on the Cross House but the Carriage house too. Soon it will be ready for occupancy. You are also working on your own little mid-century eclectic. And at some point in a year or two you might be able to relocate to the Cross House when the fence and pond and done and the kitchen is installed. It’s been 10 years since you bought it. Just think back over the decade of work you have accomplished. You took on a project that would have challenged a man half your age.
Working on a house and yard is satisfying because you can see what has been accomplished because you remember what it used to be like.
I love your post about your mid-century eclectic house. I hope as you wrote that and looked at the photos you felt a swell of pride at your accomplishment. You should feel the same looking over the decade of photos of the Cross House and now the Carriage House.
And you will have to accept that you are a hot grandpa now.
Merry Christmas Ross! I love being able to watch your journey and Adventures through life. You do not disappoint! Much love and affection Patty Craig
Fascinating bio! Thanks for sharing! I think you look much better than the average 67-year-old bear. What an interesting life you’ve led!
Wishing you the best for 2025 and always!
PS I’m terrified for our country with you! However, from what I’ve seen of the obstacles that he who shall not be named is already facing, and by the grand fuss that antifa around the world are making, it looks like that usurper will have quite a struggle on his hands to implement his agenda.
Cheers!
Thank you for sharing your life with us Ross and we get to see photos of you! Woohoo! What a handsome guy you are at any age. It’s amazing how some hair comes out in the “wrong” places as we age but other hair just vanishes. I am so old now that I don’t even get those annoying chin hairs anymore so that’s a plus. I also don’t have to shave my legs anymore because that hair seems to have disappeared. Although, since I had cataract surgery this year and may need another one, maybe I just can’t see them. Another plus!
I am still thinking about your home that you actually live in and the wonderful changes you have made there. I still click on your blog every day to see if you have posted and I am so delighted to read another chapter when you do post.
Hugs and happy Christmas to you Ross. You are so generous to share your life with strangers online as you do. I hope that the coming years will contain more pleasant surprises and we can muddle through the mess that is to come. xoxo
Ross, you look great. The amount of work you have done on the Cross house is astounding. I still think you should get some help maybe from a trade school. Either way, you do amazing work.
Ross, I haven’t commented in years (eek!) but I’ve continued to read and enjoy the progress you’ve made on the Cross and carriage houses. It’s like continually checking in with an old friend!
Oh, and I’d categorize you from your pic as having progressed into being what I’d consider a “Hot Zaddy Bear.” Look it up 😁 Happy New Year, Ross!
Young Ross is pretty cute but of course we all appreciate patina and are lovers of old things, so old Ross is pretty darn cute too.
I’d say you’re aging like fine wine, but the most astonishing part of this story is that you never took up smoking! Rare indeed, especially for a fellow former waiter. Smoke breaks were the only breaks we could get! Fortunately for me the once-daily habit of my 20s became an occasional thing in my 30s, and now in my 40s has ceased but for the rarest of occasions.