Happy Butts
Tonight, Steve, Brad, Cody, and myself had Taco Tuesday at the Cross house.
Yes, it is Wednesday.
In anticipation, I had cranked the radiator thermostat up to 70-degrees. Just after Steve and Brad departed, Cody walked over the the dining room radiator, placed his hand on its marble top, and said: “Wow! This is really warm! I wonder what it would feel like on a bare butt?”
I walked over, and replied: “I’ve wondered that for seven years. And, well, there’s only one way to find out.”
I dropped my jeans and sat down.
Cody gasped. Then burst out laughing. “How does it feel?”
“It’s startling at first. MUCH warmer and more intense than a heated car seat. But…as my eyes rolled up…incredibly good. Ohhhhhhh so good. It’s incredibly soothing, like a great massage.”
Cody looked at the marble. And looked.
“Go on. Try it.”
He smiled, then pulled own his shorts and sat. He shrieked a little. “That is intense!”
“That will pass in a moment. Just close your eyes and go with it.”
We both sat for a long time, emitting little moans of pure delight and happiness. I thought: I could charge people $50 for fifteen minutes of bare butt time and make a fortune.
Finally, I stood, yanking my jeans up. I felt incredibly soothed, and like a long time had passed. Then I said: “Oh, I need more of that” And down came the jeans. Later, I stood again. And sat again, needing more BBT (bare butt time).
It was obvious that I had developed an instant addiction.
I am also gonna guess that my marble-topped radiators have, over the last 127-years, experienced more bare butts than just Cody’s and mine.
Driving home, I realized that tours of the house might get really interesting this winter season.
Happy butts.
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Absolutely HI-larious!!! Next up??? The copy machine!!!!
Too funny! This is the sort of thing I would wonder about too.
Hahahaha! Best post ever!!!
I think this could help your fundraising goals.
Tours, Room rentals, Event Rentals. Once you have their butts in the door you can upsell.
This comment made me laugh so hard.
First and best smile of the morning….
Yes, yes, oh yes. 💜 It’s probably as energizing & relaxing as a dry sauna after a cool dip. Might come in handy when winter’s chill discourages that one thing left to do. Ross, you may have actually discovered the well digger’s secret! ☺
Don’t forget the opposite: those marble radiator covers will be wondefully cool/cold in the summer. The perfect antidote for a sun-burned fanny! (Or sad butt, if you prefer)
At the Cross house in winter, one might find it is a delight to be embareassed.
What a serendipitous hilarious discovery! Delightful!
Yes! This is the key for a most momentous Cross House tours & delights! Especially for travelers who have traveled a long way!
Warm & soothing in winter & comfortably cool in summer!
Oh my lord, that was so funny! And I can’t believe you actually did that!
That’s a lot more male nudity than I ever expected to see on this blog… and I’m here for it! Thanks for the uproarious laughter!
OMGoodness! Too much fun! 🙂
Is now a good time to discuss Victorian split drawers?
Why, it’s always a good time to discuss Victorian split drawers!