Where Is Ross?
Some of you will have noticed that my posting about the Cross House has significantly diminished of late.
That is because not much has been happening of late. Save the big push to get a working shower installed, and The Other Justin installing a new maple kitchen floor, it has all been…quiet.
The is the result of my having very low energy for several months now. I attribute this to three factors:
Getting a blood clot really threw me. While my leg has felt totally normal now for about a month, I am still taking blood thinner medicine, and will be doing so for about two more months, at least.
My low energy and the blood clot happened about the same time. Is the medicine the cause?
I have been taking days off from the house. Much more than ever previously. Since 2014, I have worked on the house six days a week, at least, and normally seven. The last few months? Five days a week. Sometimes only four.
There have also been days, of late, when I drive all the way to the house, and just wander around. While there are always 5,793 things to do on any given day, I just wander, aimlessly. After about a half hour I get back into the car and drive home. Madness!
During the last week I managed to mow most of the lawn (it was scandalously shaggy), vacuum the basement (scandalously not pristine), and got one wall in the new shower grouted. Just one wall. I had planned to do all three. It is not hard. But one wall was it. I am pretty sure though that I will get the other two done by Monday.
I have also been scandalously lax in ordering stuff. I still have not ordered the soapstone sink and have not been able to focus on the final few details to confirm the order. I had to cancel the order for the blue kitchen island cabinets (long story) and just cannot focus on re-ordering the cabinets.
Yea, you are thinking: What does Limpy have to do with Ross not working on the big house?
I have been giving this a lot of thought and find it hard to explain.
Limpy does not consume a lot of my time. Rather, he…well…consumes a lot of my…ahhh…life force. I feel that…somehow…I have attached an electrical cord from my inner generator directly to Limpy, and am transferring life-nourishing energy to him. I am highly aware of this even though, yes, I know this makes no sense. Yet, this is my best explanation.
In short: I feel drained by Limpy. And am happy to be drained as such. I suspect that people who have been caregivers to sick family members will know just what I am talking about. While being a caregiver can consume a lot of time and energy, there is much more going on. It is like your own life force gets tapped out.
I am on the board of a non-profit. And this has taken a toll on my soul these past two months. Anybody who has ever been on the board of a non-profit will know what I mean.
Recently though, and after twenty years of effort on my part, something fabulous because a reality.
Twenty. Years. Of. Effort.
And the joy I expected to feel? A joy so great that it would nourish my very soul with enough energy to light a small city? This…sooooooooo did not happen. Rather, I felt sucker-punched by the board. And I did not see this coming.
In short…I have been reminded of the old saying: No good deed goes unpunished.
This has profoundly drained me. More so than the medicine I am taking and Limpy.
Being abused pulverizes a person. Writing these words has made my eyes fill with tears. I grew up with abuse, intensely so, and the last few months have been like reliving a very grim childhood.
Things happen when Justin is available. But, he has not been available since just before Cody arrived. I think he will return to the house later in the month.
I am not really concerned about this hiatus. I certainly deserve and could use a break from the endless work on the house.
Regarding my business, it is doing well, and lights that sell are getting restored and shipped on time. Thank goodness. But, I have almost no energy to get new lights listed. This has been a problem since buying the big house, but in May I got two lights listed. Two. I used to get thirty lights listed every month. In March, I got six lights listed. Not great, but way better than two! And this month? Zero so far.
Having such low energy should not prove a problem in the short term. What, though, if I still feel like this in six months? The thought scares me.
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