The end of 2016 was the darkest of my life. My despair and shock was overwhelming. I absolutely did not understand how to get through 2017.

But the year ended up being my best. All due to the Cross House. I ‘enhanced’ the exterior colors and this proved vastly satisfying. I, too, finish the Great North Front and this, combined with the restored West Front, made my heart sing every time I approached the house. The Cross House looked FABULOUS, something it had not done in anybody’s memory. Wow, this felt good. Like heroin injected into my veins but minus any side effects!

2023 though was impacted by an almost constant worry about money. It began with a bang as January was my best month ever. I thought: Squee!!!!!!! But every subsequent month felt like a struggle. My sales were down to a scary degree but, weirdly, my monthly numbers kept proving comparable to 2022. Huh? Then I realized a trend. Yes, I was selling fewer lights but people were spending much more. My lower-priced lights just stalled but my $$$$$$$ lights went flying off the shelves. And this is how every month proved after January. I would have zero sales for like two weeks (making me incredibly nervous. Just ask Kenny) and then in a three day period I would sell four lights but each for those big bucks. Then zip for another week. Then two $$$$$$$ sales on the last day or two of the month.

All this was like a wild roller-coaster without the fun.

So now, at the end of 2023, I realize that all my fretting was for naught. There may be a lesson here.

 

A year ago I thought:

1. I would go from 215 pounds (my heaviest ever) down to 190.
2. I would…for the first time…retain Justin as little as possible. I did really well during Covid but almost all this went to Justin. Of course, the Cross House and Carriage House enormously benefited but I always felt strapped as a result. I was really tired of having no savings put aside, a constant since buying the house in 2014. I was sitting very pretty in 2013.
3. I would pay off my home equity line of credit.

And now?

I did lose weight, going from 215  down to 197. Then back up to 204. Sigh. Still, I am a lesser Ross.

I did retain Justin as little as possible. A few days here and there rather than weeks and weeks on end. This did not result in the creation of any savings.

I did not pay off my equity line. I doubled it. Sigh.

 

On the bright side, my 2023 health proved VASTLY better than in 2022. Knock on wood! And, luckily, I have a great deal of wood handy!

 

I continue to be obsessed with politics and 2024 will be the election of my lifetime. Will democracy continue? I know too much about history to think democracy cannot be smashed to the ground, with the horror of 1/6 being a clarion call. I think though that democracy will survive. Note the operative word: think. Perhaps hope is a better word.

 

Once again, the Cross properties have proved nourishing. While I was forced into working on the Carriage House, now that the work is done I feel nourished by pride and suffused with pleasure. It looks pretty good! And if I squint I don’t even see vinyl! I am also rather pleased with my artful use of the historic colors.

During the countless afternoons working on the Library and then the Carriage House my concerns about money would vanish as the work became the focus. Just like 2017.

 

I continue to be single. I continue to not understand why. Sigh.

I have only loved one man, David. This happened quite unexpectedly in the early 1990s when our professional relationship very slowly transformed into something glorious. It turned out that we had a tremendous amount in common: a passion for architecture, urban planning, and historic preservation. He was also gorgeous and from Australia. So, yea, that accent. Of course I fell in love.

But David refused to couple. This caused me profound pain and one day, while standing on my front lawn, I demanded to know why. After much hawing he blurted out: “I can’t be with you because then they will know!”

“What? Know? Know what?”

“They will…know.”

I shook my head. “Know what???????????”

He looked around, then very quietly said: “They’ll know I’m gay.”

I was gobsmacked. “Who is they? You mean your parents?”

He shook his head. “No. My sister is gay, has a partner, and my mom and dad are cool with everything.”

“So, your boss?”

He shook his head. “No. His daughter is gay, has a partner, and he’s cool with everything.”

“Your co-workers?”

He shook his head. “No. We have a number of gay men and lesbians in the office and everybody is cool with that.”

I was still gobsmacked. Even more now. “So, your parents, boss, and co-workers would all be OK with us being a couple. Then, who is the they you are letting deny us happiness?”

He looked around, lowered his head, waved at my neighbors quickly, and said: “Them.”

My gobsmackedness went through the roof. “My neighbors? Most of whom I’ve never talked to?”

“Yes. Them. I can’t bear the idea of them, you know, whispering about us.”

I was stunned. “You do know that, no matter your sexual orientation, your neighbors will whisper about you, right?”

“Yes, but not about the same thing.”

And that, as it proved, was that. About a year later I left the state. I have not seen David since.

 

 

 

The kitty count has dropped significantly these past few years and I am now down to just two of The Old Ones. I expect that this will be zero a year from now. I have two Young Ones so the cat fence is still a vital need, and I assume there will be other kitties coming into my life as this has been a constant since I was 18. I also want a doggie.

And, on occasion, I think having kitties and doggies perhaps proved a wiser choice than having a man. If I do get a dog I might call him David. But the dog will need an Australian bark.

 

In short, 2023 was not the best of times. Nor the worst of times.

It was the so-so of times.

Happy new year to y’all. And a BIG hug!