The Cross House
NOTE: This post contains bad words!
Today, when I arrived at the Cross House, the sun was shining, it was in the eighties, and I mowed some of the lawn. Then I went inside, sat in the dining room, drank some water, and read the latest news on my iPhone while sitting in front of a fan to cool off.
After about ten minutes, I heard an odd sound.
What is that, I wondered?
I turned to the windows, and was startled. It was pouring rain! Like monsoon-level rain! Wow. Where did that come from?
Of course, rather than stay inside like any sensible person would do, I dashed out into the friggin’ monsoon to see if all the gutters and downspouts were doing their job.
This is a pattern of mine when it rains at the Cross House. Last May, I did a post about a terrifying adventure where I crawled out onto the roof during a storm to fix a clogged downspout.
Today though, all seemed well. At first. Then I realized…
Damn damn damn.
I soooooooooooooooo did not want to go, as I did in May, through the third-floor door, into the gutter, and around the corner, so I could ascertain the problem. No, no, and no!
Instead, after it stopped pouring, I hauled the ladder out so I could get onto the porch roof. Then, I had to haul the ladder up ONTO the porch roof, so I could reposition it to reach the gutter.
The problem, based on a previous experience, is that if I tried to haul the ladder up onto the porch roof, the upper part of the extension ladder would pull away from the lower part.
And that is bad.
What to do? What to do?
Oh! I will tie two rungs together so the ladder cannot separate! Genius!
Thus, I was able to get all the way up to the gutter.
Where it was immediately obvious that the downspout was, indeed, clogged. I had the foresight to bring a stick with me, which I shoved into the downspout. But…this accomplished nothing as the downspout took a quick right-turn to the left, and then another sharp turn straight down. So, I would need to take the downspout apart.
Down the ladder I went.
Once on the porch roof, I pulled the ladder away from the gutter, and gently dropped it back to street level, carefully positioning it so I could safely step down. That accomplished, I went inside to get a drill and the right bit to remove the octagon-head screws holding the downspout together.
Then I climbed back up the ladder, hauled it up to the porch roof, repositioned it against the gutter, climbed up with drill in hand, and……discovered that I had the wrong size bit.
And this, dear reader, is where the bad words come into play.
Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! And FUCK!
Oh, I was mad!
But, there was nothing I could do. So, back down the ladder I went. Once on the porch roof, I pulled the ladder away from the gutter, and gently dropped it back to street level, carefully positioning it so I could safely step down. That accomplished, I went inside to get the correct bit.
Stepping back outside, I climbed up the ladder, hauled it up to the porch roof, repositioned it against the gutter, climbed up with drill in hand, and successfully removed the screws holding the downspout to the gutter above.
It was now obvious that the clog was not in the neck of the downspout but the long vertical pipe or maybe the bottom elbow. So, down the ladder I went. Then I removed the screws holding the elbow, and pulled the long pipe away. It weighed a ton, as it was clearly filled with water. So, I raised it and shook and shook and….then all hell broke loose as water gushed out from the pipe and all over me.
At this point a reasonable person would think: Why am I doing this? Why don’t I own a condo? In Florida?
But what did I think at that moment? VICTORY! I AM A GOD!
With the downspout now free of debris, I put it all back together, climbed up the ladder to re-attach the downspout, and then climbed back down. Once on the porch roof, I pulled the ladder away from the gutter, and gently dropped it back to street level, carefully positioning it so I could safely step down.
V I C T O R Y !
Back inside, I luckily had an extra dry shirt, so I put that on. But, there was no way I was going to do any more work. The unexpected adventure had drained me emotionally. I was soooooo done for the day!
As I was preparing to leave, I realized that I, ahh, could not. My next stop was the grocery store, but there was no way I could leave…just yet.
Scroll way down…
To save my reputation, I stood in front of a fan for twenty minutes.